Stereotypes of Adolescents: Arguing

Arguing is...

Speaking Up

When adolescents argue, they are declaring what they think or want. When declaring themselves, they become more public ally known and socially defined. An adolescent who won't give you an argument can be an adolescent who is too wed to shitting up, too inexpressive and in assertive for their own good.

Informative

Adolescents are telling you something about theirselves, what matters to them, how they perceive what is going on, how they differ from you, when they argue. An adolescent who won't give you an argument can be like having a mystery child, a child in hiding who never tells you when they disagree, who keeping you in a constant state of ignorance about what they really think and want and feel.

Practice

When the adolescent argues with their parents, they are developing skills they will use later in life with others. What the adolescent chooses to argue about is up to the teenager, but how that practice is conducted is up to parents who teach how to speak and listen when one disagrees, and what kind of language is okey and is not.

Talking Out

There is a difference between talking and acting out to settle a disagreement. Parents should appreciate when their adolescent chooses to use verbal argument (speaking up) over acting out (throwing a tantrum or object or storming off). Adolescents who act out instead of speaking out, will be ill prepared for a world of relationships where arguing is how most disagreements are confronted, discussed, and resolved.

Respectful
Arguing with parents is a sign of respect. Disrespect would be totally ignoring what parents have to say. By arguing, the adolescent acknowledges parental rights to take positions, set limits, and make demands. An adolescent who is disrespectful not only disregards what parents have to say and want to have happen. The teenager holds their authority in such complete disregard she or he does not consider them worth arguing with at all. 

Thoughtful

To argue one's case, the adolescent has to organize his or her ideas. Reasonable statements must be advanced, counter arguments must be created, and personal positions must be defended and debate must conducted. Research may be needed to help your cause and you must think of a way to present your argument in the best way possible without offending, but also convincing them. Through the debate, you must keep a cool head and not get angry or upset, because this will defeat your pursuasive way. It takes a lot of mental discipline to argue well. An adolescent who can't keep their thoughts together during the back and forth intensity of argument may become disorganized or lose emotional control in the process.

Independent

Arguing declares independence by expressing what is personally true or works for you in opposition to what parents believe or want to have happen. Arguing helps express invidiual indentity and social independence is gained -the twin goals of adolescence. When you argue, you are thinking and speaking for oneself. An adolescent who can't individually express and independently argue with parents can have difficulty representing self-interest with other adult authorities. Authentically with the adult child requires that young person to be able to honestly disagree with parents. 

Courageous

Parents are among the most psychologically powerful people in the child's and adolenscent's world. To the degree that parents feel intimidating, that displeasing them feels hard to do, that offending them is hardest of all, arguing with them as an adolescent can feel daunting. Parents can make it safe to argue with them by listening respectfully, not putting the young person down in any way, like with humor or sarcasm. Adolescents take arguing seriously, especially with parents, because they want what they have to say be taken seriously and not be discounted or dismissed by reason of younger age or less life experience. An adolescent who avoids arguments at home fearful of a high controlling, domineering, or overbearing parent not only may lack openness in that relationship, but may also lack the courage to engage in honest disagreement with significant others later on.

Influential

When a young person finds that sometimes arguing a point can persuade parents to change their mind or grant what is requested, faith in this persuasive use of words is affirmed and encouraged. Adolescents do not need to necacessarily get their way, but if they feel that they are being taken seriously and have a fair hearing, they will have the satisfaction of knowing they have made their case. If parents do the opposite of this, adolescents will feel like there is no need to even make a contradicting statement against their parents, because they will see it as useless and ineffective. The only failed argument is the failure to argue at all.

Collaborative

It takes more than one person to have an argument. An argument increases understanding, there is more room for discussion and negotiation. An adolescent who is taught the collaborative and communicative value of argument can learn to treat it as a valuable tool for working out disagreements together; for solving problems and creating better possibilities.

Everyone argues at some time in there life, whether it be with a friend, parent, or other elder. Arguing can be a good or bad action to take. Good, because it teaches youth to learn how I think for themselves and defend their own thoughts. Bad, because many youth are disrespectful whilst debating their wants to someone else. We just need to figure out when the good and right time is to argue and what are the right things to argue about.